We're halfway through...here are the halftime stats:
States visited: 7
Miles Driven: 1,614.6
Drive Time: 25 Hours 23 minutes
Time Benetti's spent sleeping in the car: approx. 20 hours, 12 minutes
Gallons of Gas: 47.026
Best Hotel: Holiday Inn Express, Nashville, TN - flat screen TV, hot breakfast bar, comfortable beds, AND it made us all smarter!
Worst Hotel: Hawthorn Suites, Columbus, OH - only one bed plus pull-out sofa, speakers on the TV blown out and it's impossible to find this place.
Best Meal: Central BBQ, Memphis, TN - perhaps because it followed....
Worst Meal: Blues City Cafe, Memphis, TN - not so bad, as long as you don't expect to eat the food you ordered.
Off to Cleveland for Half #2.
--david
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Bad Teams Playing Hockey In Late March
They're going to see the Blue Jackets on back to back nights? In different cities? They're following them home? What the bonk is a Blue Jacket?*
If you read our itinerary in advance, one or all of these questions may have popped in your mind. Completely acceptable. What you don't know is...nothing screams hockey more than an 8 year old team with zero post-season experience in the midst of a mascot identity crisis. Trust us.
We rejoin our heroes during the first intermission of tonight's Chicago Blackhawks vs Columbus Blue Jackets game. 12th Place in the West is on the line! It's another year of flirting with the cellar, but a near capacity crowd doesn't seem to mind. The CBJ's are in a scoreless streak that's now hit 100 minutes (Benetti a first hand observer for 60 of them). I asked the fan behind me "when's the last time your team actually scored a goal?" He took no time retorting "Sunday." (It was actually Saturday night, beginning of the 3rd Period against the Red Wings).
At the 4:49 mark of the second period, Joakim Lindstrom found the back of the net for a Blue Jackets power play goal. There was a Nationwide eruption with a cannon shot that could be heard all around Columbus. Benetti and I pretended to hurry to take a picture in front of the not-so-stagnant anymore scoreboard, but we knew there would likely be another 100 minutes before such an occruance happened again.
Amazingly enough, the CBJ's scored 3 more times, but my 3 stars of the game go to....
3) This Sign. I love puns that transition so seamlessly from the original word. 
2) CBJ goalie Freddie Norrena. He came into the game with something to prove. The previous night, all of Nashville spent its time taunting the puck-stopper with jeers of "it's all your fault." See blog post: "Country Music, eh?" With a chip on his shoulder, Norrena stopped all 19 shots he faced. Nothing was his fault, and he posted his 2nd shutout of the year. It has now been concluded that goalies perform at their highest level the game after facing the Predators in Nashville.
1) The "grounds crew," featuring 3 tall blonde girls wearing black sweatpants and the green top featured above. During every TV timeout, they came out and "swept" the ice. These scantily clad zambonies are key forces in keeping momentum on Columbus's side.
The game concluded with Benetti and I sitting on the glass. We figured out how the ritual of clapping was invented. It's a story you don't want to miss.
-LBK
*A Blue Jacket is...?
1) A bug.
2) A nickname for a "blue collar" Ohio worker.
3) A Celebration of Patriotism stemming back to the Civil War.
Answer in the comment section.
If you read our itinerary in advance, one or all of these questions may have popped in your mind. Completely acceptable. What you don't know is...nothing screams hockey more than an 8 year old team with zero post-season experience in the midst of a mascot identity crisis. Trust us.
We rejoin our heroes during the first intermission of tonight's Chicago Blackhawks vs Columbus Blue Jackets game. 12th Place in the West is on the line! It's another year of flirting with the cellar, but a near capacity crowd doesn't seem to mind. The CBJ's are in a scoreless streak that's now hit 100 minutes (Benetti a first hand observer for 60 of them). I asked the fan behind me "when's the last time your team actually scored a goal?" He took no time retorting "Sunday." (It was actually Saturday night, beginning of the 3rd Period against the Red Wings).
At the 4:49 mark of the second period, Joakim Lindstrom found the back of the net for a Blue Jackets power play goal. There was a Nationwide eruption with a cannon shot that could be heard all around Columbus. Benetti and I pretended to hurry to take a picture in front of the not-so-stagnant anymore scoreboard, but we knew there would likely be another 100 minutes before such an occruance happened again.
Amazingly enough, the CBJ's scored 3 more times, but my 3 stars of the game go to....
3) This Sign. I love puns that transition so seamlessly from the original word. 
2) CBJ goalie Freddie Norrena. He came into the game with something to prove. The previous night, all of Nashville spent its time taunting the puck-stopper with jeers of "it's all your fault." See blog post: "Country Music, eh?" With a chip on his shoulder, Norrena stopped all 19 shots he faced. Nothing was his fault, and he posted his 2nd shutout of the year. It has now been concluded that goalies perform at their highest level the game after facing the Predators in Nashville.
1) The "grounds crew," featuring 3 tall blonde girls wearing black sweatpants and the green top featured above. During every TV timeout, they came out and "swept" the ice. These scantily clad zambonies are key forces in keeping momentum on Columbus's side.The game concluded with Benetti and I sitting on the glass. We figured out how the ritual of clapping was invented. It's a story you don't want to miss.
-LBK
*A Blue Jacket is...?
1) A bug.
2) A nickname for a "blue collar" Ohio worker.
3) A Celebration of Patriotism stemming back to the Civil War.
Answer in the comment section.
I aint afraid of no ghosts...or so I thought
For my OMO (odd man out) assignment, I chose to partake in a ghost hunt through downtown Nashville. I don't believe in ghosts, and figured that spending an evening around people trying to convince me they're real would be loaded with Christopher Guest "mocumentary" type comedy. The plan backfired. Excluding our tour guide, I spent the night as the 5th wheel to two newlywed couples.
While there was some humor in watching Katie (on the left) tell the group how many people she'd leave Brian for (Tim McGraw topping the laundry list), the majority of jokes were pointed in my direction.
As far as the hunt goes, I did return with plenty of material. But to my surprise, I started buying a little of what the ghost hunt was selling. Now I don't know what to think. I've got some creepy pictures and stories to share, but those will have to wait for the book.
The night concluded with three cab drivers fighting over me like I was a piece of bread in a duck pond. For you visual learners out there, I'm sorry, there is no picture to document this hilarity.
-LBK
Oh wait, here it is
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Day 5: Country Music, eh?
Welcome to Nashville. Home of the Predators.
In almost every way, Nashville trumps Memphis. Even if you don't like country music. And as Benetti will attest, the enthusiasm they have for their NHL team far surpasses the fervor Memphis expresses toward their Grizzlies.
As one fan we met put it: "My cat likes to watch the Grizzlies at home, and we make fun of him for it." That fan is a Preds regular who says I look ike Vince Gill, one of the team's celebrity faithful.
That's him celebrating a goal, which is a lengthly process here. First, they watch the puck go into the net. Then a horn blares, rendering the crowd temporarily deaf. Next we hear a customized version of Tim McGraw's "I Like it, I Love it" with the line "Don't know what it is 'bout those Predators' scoring" tossed in in place of the original lyric. Finally, "Rock n' Roll Part 2" (the "hey" song) blares and the crowd shouts "you suck!" and "we're gonna beat the hell out of you!"
By now, play has resumed for about 2 minutes and nobody has noticed.
They love their chants here, though. Most of them include the word "suck", but our favorite came with one minute remaining in each period. The PA announcer says "one minute remaining," and the crowd responds with a "thanks, Paul." It was great.
(Benetti note--in a very close second place was a jeer levied at the opposing goalie. It went like this:
Noreena! Noreena! You suck. You suck. It's all your fault. It's all your fault.
Poor Frederik Noreena, whose shoelaces will be hidden for the next week.)
Other things that happened - multiple knock-down fights (real crowd-pleasers):
A player fired a puck at one of the boards so hard the glass shattered. There were more than four minutes remaining in the 2nd period when it happened. They took the intermission then, replaced the glass, and came back to play the remaining 24 minutes and change of the game all at once:
The Predators won the game, 3-0.
Fat lady on the scoreboard at end of game seems so easy. It's not done nearly enough.
(It could easily be overdone, though. Don't get any ideas, hordes of teams reading this for ideas.)
Benetti took this picture of me with one of the Predator cheerleaders:
I know, weird right? Cheerleaders at a hockey game? They don't really do anything, but after the picture I'm warming to the idea.
Oh, and the Columbus Blue Jackets? Not very good, but we'll follow them home anyway, just to make sure.
-david (with a hint of Benetti)
Day 4 preview
We'll be leaving the hotel soon to celebrate Elvis and barbecue pits. Then it's off to the land of banjos and predators.
We're going from Memphis to the Neverland ranch.
-Benetti
We're going from Memphis to the Neverland ranch.
-Benetti
Stuff that happened away from the Forum
Even on a slow Monday night in late March, there is music on Beale Street, and the smell of barbecue is pervasive and unmistakable. I set off in search of decent company and live music .
My solo "it's not sad, it's research" bar crawl began at the King's Palace Cafe, where I met the "Mayor of Beale Street," Randy Williams:
Here he is entertaining a young tourist...
...who clearly wasn't interested and wanted to step inside.
One note about Memphis - bring spare change and a few dollar bills. These songs out on the street aren't free. Neither is taking pictures of these people, like the Mayor.
The bartender inside the King's Palace tells me that Memphis gets really crazy in May for the International Music Festival, then the Memphis BBQ Fest. But "it's starting to pick up even now."
The next stop is Club 152, where the fine people of Fogelman Management are rockin' out to the After Dark Band. There are a lot of corporate functions in this city and after hours they wind their way to Beale Street to cull embarrassing stories for the return to the office and scream wildly at "Play that Funky Music White Boy" and "Sweet Home Alabama." I got out of that place quickly.
Next Stop: Silky O'Sullivans, home of the Diver -a gallon bucket full of beer, gin, and juice for $18. "You'd be surprised how many people order it. We got a whole palette of buckets downstairs," says the bartender. I did not indulge. Also home to a piano player who makes jokes like this one:
"A toast to women's underwear. Not the best thing in the world, but it's right next to it."
And finally to the Rum Boogie Cafe, where I found this band:
exactly what I was looking for. Great musicians, playing great blues. With a tip bucket on top of a woman's lower half.
That's it from Memphis. Except for this:
Insert Elliot Spitzer joke here.
-david
My solo "it's not sad, it's research" bar crawl began at the King's Palace Cafe, where I met the "Mayor of Beale Street," Randy Williams:
Here he is entertaining a young tourist...
...who clearly wasn't interested and wanted to step inside.One note about Memphis - bring spare change and a few dollar bills. These songs out on the street aren't free. Neither is taking pictures of these people, like the Mayor.
The bartender inside the King's Palace tells me that Memphis gets really crazy in May for the International Music Festival, then the Memphis BBQ Fest. But "it's starting to pick up even now."
The next stop is Club 152, where the fine people of Fogelman Management are rockin' out to the After Dark Band. There are a lot of corporate functions in this city and after hours they wind their way to Beale Street to cull embarrassing stories for the return to the office and scream wildly at "Play that Funky Music White Boy" and "Sweet Home Alabama." I got out of that place quickly.
Next Stop: Silky O'Sullivans, home of the Diver -a gallon bucket full of beer, gin, and juice for $18. "You'd be surprised how many people order it. We got a whole palette of buckets downstairs," says the bartender. I did not indulge. Also home to a piano player who makes jokes like this one:
"A toast to women's underwear. Not the best thing in the world, but it's right next to it."
And finally to the Rum Boogie Cafe, where I found this band:
exactly what I was looking for. Great musicians, playing great blues. With a tip bucket on top of a woman's lower half.That's it from Memphis. Except for this:
Insert Elliot Spitzer joke here.-david
Monday, March 24, 2008
Day 3: Nothing Happened on the Way to the Forum
This is a fairly good representation of the ratio of people to seats at Monday night's Nuggets-Grizzlies game in Memphis:
Lone Nuggets fan or lone fan?
This is an accurate depiction of how the others in the building seemed to feel:
"He keeps taking me to Grizzlies games, Doc."
We did encounter some nice women in section 232. Bridgett (wearing blue) is a huge Allen Iverson fan. Her friend Marselle told us that Allen "could play on the moon" and Bridgett would watch.
Disappointingly for the people of Memphis, there were not six thousand people at the FedEx Forum. This is what one of the concourses looked like at halftime (strategic bathroom planning to avoid lines totally unnecessary).
Other crowd-not-so-pleasers included:
-Two fireworks blasting from the scoreboard during the starting lineups to sparse applause. They did a much better job inducing minor heart attacks.
-Ushers that would not allow upper-level ticket holders to move to lower-level seats. Think Joaquin Phoenix guarding Rome in Gladiator. It actually took us 10 tries to get downstairs, a heavy blow to our "sneaky confidence."
-An on-court announcer wearing jeans, a Rudy Gay jersey and a poor disposition. He did not want his picture to be taken (something about it ending up on the internet). His wish was not granted.
That ball in his hand might have well been a block of muenster. Man this guy was cheesy.
In a related story, this man was peddling fishing equipment pre-game.
He was positioned on a stage in a small annex off of the main arena called the "green room." 100 years ago he'd have been selling bromo seltzer or inviting us to see the fire-eating midget.
Nice Joey Fatone microphone, too.
It does not say much for the crowd at the game or the basketball itself that his act may not have been the most boring. That said, a number of the players were very impressive (see Kenyon Martin blocked shot that sailed to Namibia). The circumstances and atmosphere were not.
-Benetti & LBK
Lone Nuggets fan or lone fan?
This is an accurate depiction of how the others in the building seemed to feel:
"He keeps taking me to Grizzlies games, Doc."
We did encounter some nice women in section 232. Bridgett (wearing blue) is a huge Allen Iverson fan. Her friend Marselle told us that Allen "could play on the moon" and Bridgett would watch.
Disappointingly for the people of Memphis, there were not six thousand people at the FedEx Forum. This is what one of the concourses looked like at halftime (strategic bathroom planning to avoid lines totally unnecessary).
Other crowd-not-so-pleasers included:
-Two fireworks blasting from the scoreboard during the starting lineups to sparse applause. They did a much better job inducing minor heart attacks.
-Ushers that would not allow upper-level ticket holders to move to lower-level seats. Think Joaquin Phoenix guarding Rome in Gladiator. It actually took us 10 tries to get downstairs, a heavy blow to our "sneaky confidence."
-An on-court announcer wearing jeans, a Rudy Gay jersey and a poor disposition. He did not want his picture to be taken (something about it ending up on the internet). His wish was not granted.
In a related story, this man was peddling fishing equipment pre-game.
He was positioned on a stage in a small annex off of the main arena called the "green room." 100 years ago he'd have been selling bromo seltzer or inviting us to see the fire-eating midget.
Nice Joey Fatone microphone, too.
It does not say much for the crowd at the game or the basketball itself that his act may not have been the most boring. That said, a number of the players were very impressive (see Kenyon Martin blocked shot that sailed to Namibia). The circumstances and atmosphere were not.
-Benetti & LBK
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